House Snob

Craig might buy just about anything right now. I, on the other hand, have become quite the snob when it comes to buying a house. Show me a Pergo or laminate floor and I will degrade the entire house as substandard, and will declare the owners insane for assuming their asking price is anywhere near fair.

Here are some other deal breakers:
1) If your patio is the size of a postage stamp and will only accommodate a table for four, I will mention to Craig how our children will be doomed to a life of playing at the public playground where they will catch disease and play with trash. I will go on to say how they will look like albinos from playing inside all the time. This is a house for people that clearly hate vitamin D, and that is just not us.

2) No bathroom on the ground floor. It is hard to believe, but some houses do not have a bathroom on every floor. We like to exercise, but we don't need to be doing step aerobics each time we need take a tinkle.

3) Closets. If they aren't big and plentiful, forget it. I might try to come up with ways we can build in closets into your poorly planned home, but if that's impossible, I will turn around and curse the owner for wasting my time.

4) Poorly planned layout. Who cares if you claim to have three bedrooms when one of them more closely resembles a closet and has no closet. Also, three to four rooms carved out on the first floor just is idiotic. Each room ends up being teeny tiny. Cause I've always dreamed of buying a really cute miniature living-room set??? Next!

5) And last, but not least, no closets on the ground floor. Hooray for you! Your skin is so thick you don't have to wear a coat in the winter! That must save you so much money and space! Too bad we own coats, boots, hats, and mittens and need a space to store them, or your house would have been absolutely prefect.